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What is with you people?

The other day, I was returning home from our new terminal opening in Crook City, South Dakota and doing a little thinking. It's a splendid facility, by the way - a passenger-friendly combination of airport terminal, truck stop and outlet mall. I'm sure you'll love it. Anyway, while I was watching the moving human psycho-drama that is travel on our fine airline, I was struck by a thought. What is with you people? Now, I'm not complaining, just explaining here. But lately I've been wondering what is going on in those little brains of yours regarding a number of issues.

RE: Sweat clothes
Is there some sort of senior Olympics team that I'm not aware of? If there is, exactly how big is that team? It must be huge. Because there are thousands elderly people in matching tracksuits on our airline everyday. There is a larger question here: When did sweat clothes become acceptable outerwear? In my mind, outside of gymnasiums and physical therapy facilities, the only time it's acceptable to wear sweat clothes in public is when you are flushed out of your home by fire.

RE: Fees and service charges
Do you work for free? We don't. When some one asks us to do something extra during our workday, we expect a little something for the effort. We wouldn't come into your place of business and ask you for chicken nuggets or to press our shirts for free. It's all about give and take. And take.

RE: Food
Before you complain about splitting a bag of peanuts with your fellow passengers, consider for a moment that the pioneers built this country on just jerky, corn dodgers and hard tack. And on those meager provisions, they created none other than the greatest country in the history of the world. So when you complain about sharing a honey roasted legume, it sounds a lot like someone knocking the United States of America.

RE: Comfort:
If you're having trouble getting comfortable on our flights, it's probably because you don't fit within our ideal passenger dimensions. Our planes were designed with a specific type of person in mind - a five foot three inches, 125 pound, long-waisted, ambidextrous male/female who is very, very flexible. If you aren't that person, you should probably address your angry letters to your parents.

It's really great we had this dialogue. I don't know about you, but I feel better. See what happens when we talk? We learn. We grow.

Okay. Good stuff.
Keep your head in the clouds.

Howard

ARCHIVE TITLES
-What is with you people?
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-Malled
-Lake Havasu, 2003 - What a party!
-Planes are neat. But my boat is better.
-Let me tell you about my stuff.
-Passengers vs. Profits: The koo-koo nutty teeter-totter of care.
-Remembering what we do. Which is what again?
-Let's give nihilism a chance.
-I vouch for vouchers.
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Letter From The Chairman

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